Anonymous said: yoo bro that story was so funny we need another one tell us a funny sex story or your worst sexual performance ever
aiight here we go
so i met this girl on twitter we texting for a week or so then we start talking sexual im telling her all kinda freaky shit ” imma make you walk funny” “imma make you tapout” “imma go all night” “back to back rounds” “imma make you squirt” etc, hyping myself up you know how niggas do. so i go over there on a Friday night we doing the wholee sitting on the couch watching the movie thing pretending like we dont know what we here to do so then we start pushing each other play fighting then one thing leads to another and we going at it then we all that 4 play which im not going to get into detail with cause it has nothing to do with making the story funny so anywayyy we do doggy first I start off slow taking my time like
then shes like go faster!! so i speed up then she starts throwing it back on a nigga
that booty was so fat and it was just jiggling she moaning telling me its mines already but i shit u not i feel my nut coming in about 1 minute and 30 seconds so i pull it out trying to stop it from happening it just comes out right in the condom shes looks back at me like why’d you stop i look back at her like
she looks down sees the cum in the condom then looks back at me like
i look back at her like
she goes into her phone reading the text messages i sent her in a low voice like “gonna give it to me all night” *chuckles* nope that didnt happen “gonna make me scream your name” *chuckles* nopeeee lol didnt happen so im like i can get it back up shes like nope you’ve done enough damage for tonight dont want you to hurt yourself shes like so i guess u can go home now im like ok left her house like Rasheed Wallace after the pistons lost in the playoffs in ‘07
i get home log onto twitter i see her talking crazy
"i hate niggas who talk alot of shit about their sex game and dont back it up"
"just had the worst sex of my life… if u can call it that it was so fast"
her friend asked her who was it she was like "we’ll just call him the flash like the super hero cause that boy came and went faster than the speed of light"
im over there reading the tweets sad as shit… told my mans what happened showed him the tweet he was like you better go back over there and
so i ask for redemption she says no for like a week then she finally agreed went over there and put in that work redeemed myself sat there watched her shaking and having spasms on the edge bed like
talk shit now
funniest story ever lmao
The water at Lake Superior froze, but the water beneath it was still moving causing the pieces of ice to stack on top of each other once they hit the rocks.
This is my home and it makes me so fucking happy.
When I met and shook hands with President Obama on Friday I introduced myself and said, “my name is Spencer Griffin and I work at collegehumor.com.” He said, “okay, so are you funny?” and I said confidently, “yeah, I’m funny.” And he said, “tell me something funny.” And I blanked. He laughed and said, “yeah, that’s what I thought.” I got roasted by the President of the United States.
BOY HE FLAMED YO ASS